Short answer
A Christmas custody schedule usually takes one of four shapes: one parent has Christmas in even years and the other in odd years, Christmas Eve and Christmas Day go to different parents, winter break is split in half with the halves swapping each year, or each home holds its own Christmas on a different day. Holiday time normally overrides the regular schedule. If you have a parenting plan or court order, it comes first.
How we share Christmas
I've co-parented my two sons with their mom for eight years, and we try to keep Christmas to a pattern. One of us normally has the boys for the days before Christmas, including Christmas Eve and Christmas morning, and then they go to the other home after lunch on Christmas Day. Sometimes they go before lunch if the other family has a big gathering. It can change each year and we're flexible, but we try to make it even over the years. The following year we swap.
New Year's Eve is part of the same plan. The boys spend Christmas at one home and New Year's Eve at the other, and that swaps each year too. In the years they're with their mom over Christmas, they normally stay with me the week before and for New Year's Eve.
Our arrangement has always been informal and agreed between the two of us. Yours may be different. State rules differ, and if you already have a parenting plan or a court order, it comes first. This guide is general information, not legal advice.
The four common ways to split Christmas
These four cover the methods in the state guidelines below, and they can be combined. Ours mixes the second and the fourth.
1. Alternate the whole holiday each year
One parent has Christmas Eve and Christmas Day in even-numbered years and the other has them in odd-numbered years. The Arizona Supreme Court's guide, Planning for Parenting Time, describes this option as "The children are with one parent on specified holidays in even years and with the other parent in odd years."
It's simple to remember, and the children get a full, unhurried Christmas in one home. The cost is that each parent spends every other Christmas Day without them.
2. Split Christmas Eve and Christmas Day
The children spend Christmas Eve with one parent and Christmas Day with the other, then swap the next year. Arizona's guide lists Christmas Eve and Christmas Day as separate holidays, and its "divide" option lets parents "Split the day or weekend (not necessarily equally) between both parents."
Our after-lunch handover on Christmas Day is a version of this. It means the boys spend part of Christmas in both homes every year. The trade-off is a handover on Christmas Day itself, so both homes need to agree the time and stick to it.
3. Split winter break in half
The whole break, from the last day of school to the day before school starts again, is cut into two halves. One parent has the half with Christmas in it, the other has the half with New Year's, and the halves swap each year. This is the default in Indiana, as the next section shows.
It suits families who live further apart, or who want a longer stretch for travel. Christmas Day still goes to one parent at a time unless you add a visit on the day.
4. Two Christmases
Each home celebrates on its own day. The children have Christmas Day in one home, and the other home holds its own Christmas dinner a few days earlier or later. Arizona's third option, "substitute", is related: a parent always has one holiday "in exchange for a different holiday with the other parent." Applied to Christmas, one parent could always have Christmas Eve and the other always have Christmas Day.
Decide what Christmas means in your family first.
For some families the big moment is Christmas Eve, and for others it's Christmas morning. Agree which parts matter most to the children before you pick a method, and it narrows the choice quickly.
What state guidelines say about Christmas
Some states publish parenting time guidelines that courts and parents can use as a starting point. They show how a court might handle Christmas if parents can't agree, and they're a useful model even if you live somewhere else. Arizona, Indiana and Delaware are three examples.
| State | How Christmas is handled | Winter break |
|---|---|---|
| Arizona | Christmas Eve and Christmas Day listed as separate holidays. Parents can alternate, divide or substitute holidays | Holiday and school break schedules take priority over regular parenting time |
| Indiana | The parent without Christmas Day in their half has the children from noon to 9 p.m. on Christmas Day | Split in half, and the halves alternate between even and odd years |
| Delaware | Christmas Eve 6 p.m. December 24 to noon December 25. Christmas Day noon December 25 to 6 p.m. December 26. Alternates each year | "Shared equally" by dividing or rotating |
Arizona
The guide says "The schedule for holidays, vacations, and school breaks takes priority over the regularly scheduled parenting time." So if your usual weekend lands on Christmas but it's the other parent's Christmas year, the Christmas plan wins. Arizona also lists New Year's Eve and New Year's Day as separate holidays.
Indiana
The Indiana Parenting Time Guidelines, in effect since January 1, 2022, define the break precisely: "The Christmas vacation shall be defined as beginning on the last day of school and ending the last day before school begins again." Unless parents agree otherwise, the first half starts at 6 p.m. on the day the child is released from school, and the second half ends at 6 p.m. on the day before school begins again. In even years, the parent the child mainly lives with (the guidelines say "custodial parent") has the first half. In odd years, the other parent does.
Christmas Day is protected for both parents: "In those years when Christmas does not fall in a parent's week, that parent shall have the child from Noon to 9:00 P.M. on Christmas Day." New Year's Eve and New Year's Day "shall not be considered separate holidays" in Indiana, so they go with whichever half they fall in. The guidelines also say holiday time "shall take precedence over regularly scheduled and extended parenting time."
Indiana describes its guidelines as the minimum a parent should have "In the event the parties cannot create their own parenting time agreement." Parents who agree something else can use their own plan.
Delaware
The Family Court's visitation contact guidelines offer "a possible schedule when the parents cannot agree", and encourage parents to write their own. Christmas Eve runs from 6 p.m. on December 24 to noon on December 25, and Christmas Day from noon on December 25 to 6 p.m. on December 26. The two sit in different columns of the holiday list, so one parent has Christmas Eve and the other Christmas Day, swapping between odd and even years. Winter break "shall be shared equally between the parents by dividing the breaks equally or rotating the breaks."
These are three states out of fifty. Your state may have its own guidelines or none, and a court order or parenting plan you already have sets your rules. If you're unsure what yours says, a family law attorney or your state court's self-help pages can tell you.
A worked example: 2026 and 2027
Say you and Blake are agreeing Christmas for the next two years. Christmas Day 2026 is a Friday and Christmas Day 2027 is a Saturday. Using an example winter break from Friday, December 18, 2026, to Sunday, January 3, 2027 (check your own school district's calendar, because dates vary), here's who has what under each method.
| Method | 2026 | 2027 |
|---|---|---|
| Alternate years | You: Christmas Eve and Christmas Day | Blake: Christmas Eve and Christmas Day |
| Split Eve and Day (Delaware times) | You: 6 p.m. Dec 24 to noon Dec 25. Blake: noon Dec 25 to 6 p.m. Dec 26 | Blake has Christmas Eve, you have Christmas Day |
| Split winter break (Indiana style) | You: 6 p.m. Fri Dec 18 to 6 p.m. Sat Dec 26, 8 days. Blake: 6 p.m. Dec 26 to 6 p.m. Sun Jan 3, 8 days, plus noon to 9 p.m. on Christmas Day | Blake has the first half, you have the second and noon to 9 p.m. on Christmas Day |
| Two Christmases | You: Christmas Day. Blake: own Christmas dinner on Sun Dec 27 | Blake: Christmas Day. You: own Christmas dinner on another day |
Look at the split-break row for 2026. If Blake's regular weekend would have been December 18 to 20, it falls inside your half, and the holiday plan replaces it. Blake's last regular weekend before the break would then be December 4 to 6, and the next time with the children is noon on Christmas Day, almost three weeks later. You could agree an extra afternoon in between to shorten the gap. You can see the effect on each parent's share of the year in the parenting time calculator, which lets you add holiday nights on top of the regular pattern and take off the regular nights a holiday replaces.
Our free holiday planner (PDF) has a blank 2026 and 2027 table to fill in with your own plan, plus a day-by-day grid for December 18 to January 3.
We usually discuss Christmas three to four months in advance, and no later than that.
George Pritchard
New Year's Eve and the rest of winter break
Christmas Eve and Christmas Day are two days of a winter break that, in the example above, runs from December 18 to January 3, so the rest needs a plan too. In our family, New Year's Eve is the other half of the deal. Whichever home doesn't have the boys over Christmas has them for New Year's Eve, and we swap each year.
Arizona treats New Year's Eve and New Year's Day as holidays in their own right, and Indiana folds them into the halves of the break. Either approach works, as long as you've both written down which one applies.
They seem to like the mixture.
George Pritchard
The days between Christmas and New Year's are where a split-in-half plan and an every-other-weekend schedule can clash. If you use a regular weekly pattern, agree whether it pauses for the whole break or carries on around the holiday days. Our guides to the 2-2-3 schedule and every other weekend schedule cover how those patterns run the rest of the year.
When to agree it, and when to change it
We usually discuss Christmas three to four months in advance, and no later than that. Three to four months ahead means late August or September, early enough to book travel around dates both homes already know.
We try to keep it to a pattern, and we also try to sync plans across three households. At the moment we plan it over WhatsApp, the same as the other school breaks.
A pattern can still bend when it should. One year the boys spent two Christmases in a row with their mom, so they could be there for their new step-brother's first Christmas.
Communication, being fair and reasonable and having some give and take can help in these situations. If you swap a year, write down when the pattern goes back to normal, so the next Christmas isn't up for debate.
Before December, it helps to agree these points:
- which method you're using, and whose year it is
- exact handover times and places for Christmas Eve, Christmas Day and New Year's Eve
- what happens to the regular schedule during winter break
- who drives, especially on Christmas Day itself
- how presents move between homes
- travel out of state, and how much notice to give
- what happens next year, written down now
The free holiday planner (PDF) has a checklist of things to agree on its third page.
Presents and a second Christmas
Presents mostly stay in the home they were given in, although the boys like to bring some of them along when they move between houses.
In the years the boys are with their mom over Christmas, we try to have our own Christmas dinner when we're all together. So they get two each year, which they don't complain about. It's the fourth method above, running alongside our handover on Christmas Day.
Give your second Christmas a fixed date.
If your Christmas will be on another day, agree it when you agree the main plan and put it in both calendars, so it doesn't get squeezed by the other home's plans or by work.
How the boys find it
They seem to like the mixture. They get extra Christmases, and their Christmas break is mixed, with lots of things to do, compared with staying in the same house the whole time.
However you set it up, ask the children how last Christmas went before you agree the next one, and change whatever didn't work for them.
Communication, being fair and reasonable and having some give and take can help in these situations.
George Pritchard
Your first Christmas apart
If this is your first Christmas without the children, my advice is:
- spend it with the rest of your family or good friends
- keep busy
- go on a trip
It also helps to know exactly when you'll next see them, whether that's an after-lunch handover or your own Christmas dinner a few days later. If it's more than a hard day and you need to talk to someone, you can call or text 988, the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline.
Once you've agreed Christmas, put it where both homes can see it. In Two Front Doors, a one-off swap like a second Christmas in a row is a change request, and the calendar only updates once the other parent accepts it.
Sources
- Arizona Supreme Court, Planning for Parenting Time: Arizona's Guide for Parents Living Apart (no publication year on the PDF)
- Indiana Supreme Court, Indiana Parenting Time Guidelines (effective January 1, 2022)
- Delaware Family Court, Visitation (contact guidelines)
- 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline (call or text 988)
